Day 44

It’s 10:30, I’ve not long walked back home from my Dad’s, with k.

Not much to do really, it’s times like this I wish I had a dog, so I could go for a walk.

Made Mista breakfast in bed, I forgot he was leaving at 6, so did’nt have long with him 😦

Still trying to make arrangements to go King’s Lynn, I’m looking forward to going, but at the same time dreading it.

Things I’m finding easier:

1) I don’t panic or get anxious when being dropped off at Dad’s.

2) I can sit at Dad’s and be relaxed compared to start of year.

3) I ‘m happy to be alone at home.

4) I’m happy to be left at my Dad’s with k alone : so need to get comfortable alone at our house)

5) I CAN take k to school from mine and pick her up (some days it makes me anxious, but I’m learning to let the bully come if it wants to)

6) I CAN walk home from my Dad’s with K and be FINE

7) I’m fine going to Wisbech, and trying a few other area’s (as long as I know where I am)

8) I’m learning to handle the fear when alone at night at my Dad’s, (this needs to become comfortable for me to try at home)

9) I’ve learnt not to worry to much, and get myself worked up over nothing.

10) I’m becoming stronger, and ready for more.

Day 10

Slept reasonably well last night, My dad went to bed at 9pm, and the little one didn’t go to sleep till about 11pm, she was watching

“Family Guy” she likes that.

Came home after dropping K off at school, as the gas man is supposed to be turning up…4th time lucky! No sign off him yet.

Also missed a parcel from the post man, that will be my microphones Mista kindly brought me.

And also had to make an appointment for my new kitchen to be fitted, Looks like it will be 7th March and it takes about 8 days!

Got my Parcel when Mista woke up, and was on my singstar for about 5 hours!

didn’t do much for rest of day, just went shopping in Tesco’s and Rainbow.

Watched 2 films at night “The butterfly effect” and “Stir of echos”

Day 7

Have had an awful night at my dad’s, just could not sleep. I’m aware that i’m more relaxed about spending the night over, i used to be so tense about it, i was laying on sofa last night just thinking “what is the difference being here, or staying at home”
I think i concluded that, i don’t want a repeat of the horrible panic attack i had one night, i felt so alone, it was horrible.
I still feel miles away from dad, and it’s not easy to retreat round there at stupid o’clock in the morning, and also the fact that i’m not comfy taking K to school from my house,at dads it’s just round the corner and i have no issues what so ever taking her.
Anyway…i took K to school this morning, and then walked home on my own in the rain, i never panicked, i need to do this more often to get used to the road.

Picked K up from school, I biked up there  had to wait awhile before she came out, so i kept my head busy by doing

5 things i see

5 things i hear

5 things i feel

seem to work ok

we walked back,  no panic’s just heart beating fast.

Cooked a new recipe I  found  ,Ginger fish with sesame rice:

Was a little plain, i would maybe do the fish again but serve it with salad or something.