Day 150

Woke in the night, with funny feeling approaching me, tried to remain calm inside, don’t let the negative words get to me, and it soon subsided.

Walked back home with daughter. Still quite impressed with myself for actually walking back with her, What was I afraid off before?

Day 149

Have asked Mum if she fancy’s going to the Tilney All Saint’s Giant weekend, I’m sure this is where the Giant Hickathrifts grave is, so would like to go, but it’s half way to Kings Lynn and I must admit alittle anxious.

She said she will see what the weather is like.

 

Day 148

Started to run out of surrounding villages to visit, I’d like to work on going to:

museum in kings Lynn, going to have to arrange this for the week Mista is off work next. Just want to keep trying KL, still with my mums company so I can be relaxed as possibly.

Butterfly park in Long Sutton. I’d like to be able to get K here, as she missed out on the school trip cause of having chicken pox. I’d also like to visit there.

Wiggenhall area. Theres some churches I really want to see here, especially the ruin one. So aiming to get over there at some point.

Downham Market. Not over-confident here, but I’m willing to slowly approach this one.

Dunham Woods, There is supposed to be a little wood near March, don’t think there is much there, but I still wouldn’t mind a look, it’s a day out really.

Anyway thats some goals I am aiming for, nothing to drastic but still a mission for me.

 

Day 144

Went to Nordelph today and a bit further up the road, Mista said I was about 1 mile from Downham Market.

I did have an anxiety rating of 5 , but no panic attack arose, I concentrated on breathing.

Also went to Three Holes, but once again anxiety was arriving and my head started to feel lost, so tried to remain calm and not think about those negative thoughts.

I got 2 books from the library yesterday, and at the minute I’m reading the Mood Mapping one, keeping a record of your mood 4 times a day, and hopefully you will see what times mostly affect your mood, or what makes you happy etc.

Day 143

Had my CBT today, and got the right day 🙂

Have come up with a plan to try work on the next steps now, which is

Becoming  comfortable being at home with K

So I can be settled when Mista has work at 6am and I can stay home and take her to school from home and not my dad’s.

Baby steps are the key.

Day 140

Mista’s full day off, and we have been on the go since 9am.
Started of thinking my CBT appointment was at 9, so sat in their untill 9:30 thinking Hmm she’s never this late. I think I have my dates wrong…
I did I had written down 23rd friday, but it’s not it’s on the 23rd  monday hehe

We then headed out to Walpole st Andrews, and got there ok 🙂
Was a nice church.

we tried to get the keys to look inside as it’s no longer in use, but they wasn’t home who held it.

Anyway went back to Tilney St Lawrence as tried there not so long ago, I got to the church last time but didn’t want to get out car.
I did this time, was a boring church but it’s another marked off list.
We then went Guyhurn, to the sex shop, and I agreed to go the other way to March, we reached The factory shop but  I didn’t want to get out car and was a little freaked out and teary.
So I asked to go back and go to chain bridge and from there we went back into March and to St Wendreas’s church, which once again very boring.
On way back we tried the factory shop again going from March town, and this time was a success, Mista brought me some new sandals from there.
We went into Wisbech, and I also got a new dress 🙂

Which I wore when we went to a chinese resteraunt, so all in all I had a great day.

Day 138

Have spent 4 nights at my dad’s, this is my final night.
Starting to get used to being on my own and doing my own thing. I don’t always like sitting here and knowing I have to make it threw the night, but there are postives from it, and I can see them now.

I sometimes wonder if I will become climatised to sofa sleeping lol
This past week I have been waking in the morning and feeling quite positive that I could survive this at home. But that could just be morning talk.

Anyway just updating my blog, I have quite a few of them going on now.
My little blue troll blog is a 365 day project, where I’ve named a toy troll “Panic” and I aim on taking a photo of him everyday, he is mostly for taking on adventures and to record my successes.

I have a blog of another nature that is just for me and Mista.
I also do this blog, and another wordpress one, on my photo’s.

Day 135

My 1st night wasn’t to bad, It took awhile to go sleep, but I concentrated on the breathing technique Mista was telling me the other day and it helped take my mind off the fact I’m all alone in the living room, it’s dark, everyone is asleep etc etc my mind goes on and on with negative thought’s.

Anyway I slept ok, I think I woke about 3am and saw some texts from Mista but was to sleepy to see what they said lol, Kind of glad I didn’t cause saw in morning they might not go ahead with his shift change, which is a shame cause he might have more days of with the old system.

Walked home with K, about 9:30, I should note to myself that I wouldn’t have been able to do this simple task a few months back.

Day 134

Took a walk along the Old Elm canal, it rained alittle, was anxious inside at the black cloud above us, but I was ok.
Went to the garden center, as Mista is doing the garden up, it’s looking great, he made a wigwam out of the tree my dad pulled down, for the runner beans.

Day 133

Oh it’s Friday the 13th

Was brave and went to Parson Drove today, even got the key and took a look inside.

Tried heading out to Tilney st lawrence again, but this time by the main road, I felt uncomfotable, I did reach destination, which was the church, but was too nervous to get out car and take a look around….Never mind these episodes happen from time to time, I need to be proud of the fact I’m actually at the destination. I mostly go back for second’s anyway.

We headed back untill I reached a point I regonized, and being 50% relaxed I asked to go try Walpole St Andrews church, I did’nt quite make it, as my panic mind was just setting in to much and I could’t budge it.

But not doubting to much on the upsets, I’m glad I reached 2 new places today.