Day 8

OMG! That was like the longest night ever! I swear the time had stopped at 2:50am, everytime i looked at my mobile the time never seemed to change, that set my head going thinking great i’m in a time warp some twilight stuff is happining lol….made my heart start fluttering and i thought oh no i’m going to have an attack, i somehow let it pass.
Still have 2 more nights to survive threw, Mista has 2x 12 hour night shifts, so i’ll be back at my dads today at 6pm till sunday morning.

I feel depressed now, and the grey sky and rainy weather out there does not help.

It’s 1pm, i finally made it home, felt trapped at my dad’s just did not have the courage to walk home with K, so i waited untill he got done what he needed to do, then when he went to rainbow he dropped me off at the memorial.

Chocolate has the AnswerTwirl my favorite chocolate bar, I’m so stressed right now, through lack of decent sleep, and I don’t even have 45p to buy a Twirl. šŸ˜¦

Day 7

Have had an awful night at my dad’s, just could not sleep. I’m aware that i’m more relaxed about spending the night over, i used to be so tense about it, i was laying on sofa last night just thinking “what is the difference being here, or staying at home”
I think i concluded that, i don’t want a repeat of the horrible panic attack i had one night, i felt so alone, it was horrible.
I still feel miles away from dad, and it’s not easy to retreat round there at stupid o’clock in the morning, and also the fact that i’m not comfy taking K to school from my house,at dads it’s just round the corner and i have no issues what so ever taking her.
Anyway…i took K to school this morning, and then walked home on my own in the rain, i never panicked, i need to do this more often to get used to the road.

Picked K up from school, I biked up thereĀ  had to wait awhile before she came out, so i kept my head busy by doing

5 things i see

5 things i hear

5 things i feel

seem to work ok

we walked back,Ā  no panic’s just heart beating fast.

Cooked a new recipe IĀ  foundĀ  ,Ginger fish with sesame rice:

Was a little plain, i would maybe do the fish again but serve it with salad or something.