Day 157

Worry Plan

I got a book out from the library “How to stop worrying” so going to try one of the strategies out. For my main step at the moment and that’s stay at home at 6am while Mista goes to work.

What am I worried about?

That when Mista leaves, I’ll feel stranded, alone, panic and have to get daughter out of bed and walk her to my dad’s at 6am. Also the fact that I have to take her school and I’ve got to do it from my house which is a bit longer.

What do I want to happen?

I want to be able to stay in bed another hour, letting daughter get her rest too, and to be able to take her school from mine.

What can I do to make it happen?

I could stay in bed, I could learn to drive, I can convince myself there’s nothing to fear I have done this before, I’m not alone there would be someone to call. I could stay here when I don’t have K with me.

What is actually likely to happen?

I can tell myself just stay in bed, but my negative thought’s tend to scare me off and I run anyway.

I could learn to drive, so at least I don’t feel so trapped, but Can’t afford it, lessons, car etc etc

Again similar to 1st one, I can try tell myself nothing is going to happen just do it, but that panic tends to win me over every time. If I knew I had someone to call if I need them for those 1st few hours, it may be possible.

If I tried it out when K is not with me, I can at least see how it feels.(But she’s not often not with me)

What is my decision?

I’m going to choose last one, I have an opportunity on Friday morning to stay in bed. This gives me the chance to see that it’s ok, if I panic that that’s even better (can’t believe I’m saying that lol) but at least if the panic happens that’s the worse thing that can happen to me. And it may teach my stupid head I’m alright.

Did it work?

I’ll let you know when Friday gets here 🙂

 

 

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Day 44

It’s 10:30, I’ve not long walked back home from my Dad’s, with k.

Not much to do really, it’s times like this I wish I had a dog, so I could go for a walk.

Made Mista breakfast in bed, I forgot he was leaving at 6, so did’nt have long with him 😦

Still trying to make arrangements to go King’s Lynn, I’m looking forward to going, but at the same time dreading it.

Things I’m finding easier:

1) I don’t panic or get anxious when being dropped off at Dad’s.

2) I can sit at Dad’s and be relaxed compared to start of year.

3) I ‘m happy to be alone at home.

4) I’m happy to be left at my Dad’s with k alone : so need to get comfortable alone at our house)

5) I CAN take k to school from mine and pick her up (some days it makes me anxious, but I’m learning to let the bully come if it wants to)

6) I CAN walk home from my Dad’s with K and be FINE

7) I’m fine going to Wisbech, and trying a few other area’s (as long as I know where I am)

8) I’m learning to handle the fear when alone at night at my Dad’s, (this needs to become comfortable for me to try at home)

9) I’ve learnt not to worry to much, and get myself worked up over nothing.

10) I’m becoming stronger, and ready for more.