Day 44

It’s 10:30, I’ve not long walked back home from my Dad’s, with k.

Not much to do really, it’s times like this I wish I had a dog, so I could go for a walk.

Made Mista breakfast in bed, I forgot he was leaving at 6, so did’nt have long with him 😦

Still trying to make arrangements to go King’s Lynn, I’m looking forward to going, but at the same time dreading it.

Things I’m finding easier:

1) I don’t panic or get anxious when being dropped off at Dad’s.

2) I can sit at Dad’s and be relaxed compared to start of year.

3) I ‘m happy to be alone at home.

4) I’m happy to be left at my Dad’s with k alone : so need to get comfortable alone at our house)

5) I CAN take k to school from mine and pick her up (some days it makes me anxious, but I’m learning to let the bully come if it wants to)

6) I CAN walk home from my Dad’s with K and be FINE

7) I’m fine going to Wisbech, and trying a few other area’s (as long as I know where I am)

8) I’m learning to handle the fear when alone at night at my Dad’s, (this needs to become comfortable for me to try at home)

9) I’ve learnt not to worry to much, and get myself worked up over nothing.

10) I’m becoming stronger, and ready for more.

Day 28

It’s a nice bright blue day, and I want adventure!

Gawd I would love to be able to go touch Castle Rising’s wall and Kiss my prince up against it 🙂 Run down the moat hand in hand with him……Blah Being a softie!!

Mista is seeing his kids tomorrow, so I made arrangement’s with E and asked if she would like K for the day, as it gives me a break, I’m free to do what i want to do and not feel trapped round my dad’s, she offered to have her for the night, which I figure will be nice as when Mista return’s we are both free to do something together. So I’m looking forward to tomorrow.

For now I am sat here waiting for Mista to text back but his phone is off, or out of range…..I had a little adventure planned for him later, If he want’s to take part!

Update:

Well Mista returned Home extra early, which turned out to be a good thing cause he caught me on a day that all i want is to break free from my prison…. not sure If the progress made him happy but I sure was.

Got to the 1st round about on the kings Lynn road with him, so next time I know I can go further.

I felt I had let Mista down, so started thinking “well fuck it then, I won’t bother” It’s hard for someone to Know how you are feeling inside and I was bloody scared, and held it together, anyway I let it pass and asked to go to Upwell, Or Outwell I still get confused with the 2. And although I was still nervous, I was ok, and managed to go In the church grounds this time, I can see that the more places I go the bigger my comfort zone becomes and this is what we are supposed to be working on, I think it’s coming along fine?? Yeh it’s hard because we havent had much chance to be with ourselves and get some Traveling done, but we did a lot today.

Went to Coldham, and also further up the road to a mates old house i spent a lot of time in, it made my heart smile, to see it after all these years, I knew over the bridge was March as me and my mate would often bike into March from her’s. I still remember the song we would sing on the way, and the time we was attacked by midges!

On way home we went to look for the bike track in friday bridge, and had a nice little walk down there, looks a good place for the summer.

Then into town and booked ourselves into the cinema for tomorrow.