Day 115

Mista has left for his training course, so another 3 nights at my Dad’s. It feel’s like I’m single, childless, and all alone.

Just my hormones I guess, and the fact I havent had any night-time with Mista.

Anyway I went for a walk with my Mate and her Kid’s, we had a good time, a few giggles.

She want’s to do something tomorrow as well, so I said we can, as long as it’s morning sometime, as my K is coming home, looking forward to seeing her at least I won’t be alone in the nights now.

Later that night my Mates daughter’s wanted me to escort them round the village for spooky places, we went in the churchyard and her youngest daughter kept saying she won’t be able to sleep, I kept trying to reassure her there’s nothing to be scared off.

We made our way to a barn, but by the time we had got there it was to dark and even I was crept out, so we headed home.

In the night I woke at that horrible hour 3am, and a Panic Attack was coming, normally I would fight it inside, like you try to push it away but it fuels the fire and then becomes a full-blown attack, my mind was fighting with my option’s of right I can ring Mista, Dad’s in bed maybe I could wake him up, maybe I could do housework ….  I kind of let the feeling stay inside and not fight it, and instead concentrated in my mind, by counting, that wasn’t helping my mind was slipping back to the feeling so I remembered Mista before he left and we was on the bed asking questions to each other, Then I smiled cause I remembered how I had made him laugh…. anyway I must have calmed down as I fell back to sleep……If I can handle these I will be confident enough to do it at home, cause this is the panic attack at 3am that scared me at home months back.

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